My Top Ten Favourite Movies

But Garamond, you say, Why are you writing about something that doesn’t irk you! Well, A, To truly understand what irks you, you must know what anti-irks you, and B, because I feel like it, Mmkay?

So, let’s get into this thing.

Number 10: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.indiana-jones-and-the-last-crusade-full-movie-300-mb-hd-free-download

There will be a lot of 80’s and 90’s on this list. This is only the first. Anyway, this movie is too damn fun. What if you put Sean Connery as Indiana Jones’ Dad and then made them look for the holy grail? Enjoyability. That’s what.

Number 9: Aladdin

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ARRRRABIAANNNN NIIIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTTSSSSS!!!!!!!! LIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEE ARRRRRRABBIIIAAAANNNN DDDDDDDAAAAAAYYYYYYSSSSSS!!!!

Robin Damn Williams, Man.

Number 8: The Lego Movie

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You know, I would make a reference to the first Lego game ever, but instead I’m just gonna do this.

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7: Back To The Future 2

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Great Scott! The Second one is on the list? That’s Heavy.

I want a hoverboard.

6: Groundhog Day

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How much Ground could a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?

I could really do with some Deja Vu right now.

5. Zootropolopia

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DAMMIT, FLASH, FIRST RULE OF ACTING! DON’T LOOK AT THE CAMERA!

4. Ghostbusters.

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NANANANANANA NANANANANANA! IF THERE’S SOMETHIN’ STRANGE, IN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD…

WHO YA GONNA CALL!

911. Obviously.

3. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

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(Unfortunately, my blog got hacked by some rebels so I’m afraid this blurb is in wookie.)

uughghhhgh aaahnruh aarrragghuuhw uughguughhhghghghhhgh aguhwwgggghhh

2. Inside Out

12707_1Sniff… What? I’m not crying! You’re crying! Leave me alone!

Honourable Mentions:

Pan’s Labyrinth

Guardians of the Galaxy

Bugsy Malone

 

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Number 1: Birdemic: Shock and Terror

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This is beautiful film making. This has a better script than hamlet, better acting than Psycho, more romantic than Gone With The Wind. The scene with the hangers chilled me to the spine. (Please Scroll down for further thoughts)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Kidding!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Number 1: The Princess Bride

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Ya know, I’ll need the whole next blog to explain this one.

This has been Irksome Things.

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Lego Bootlegs.

Iiii’mmmm Baaaaaaaack. The mega mac daddy of complaining about things has returned. (If you get that reference, congratulations.) So last night, everyone peer pressured me into continuing the blog, and because I’m as bendable as a piece of metal to superman, I, ahem, happily obliged. So onto the show.

You know what I love? LEGO. LEGO is so fantastic to me. Every brick snapping moment is so perfect, so fantastic, that it makes me excited just talking about it. Recently I built a dragon. One day I might build, say, a car. The possibilities are endless. But you know what I despise? You know what I really hate?

Mega Blocks. Oxford. Kre-O. These pieces of unadulterated crap are flooding the market. Oh, so you can build transformers with Kre-O now? And that’s what sucks you in. All these franchises. Whenever someone asks why I don’t buy, say, Oxford, I say “Who likes mega blocks?” There is only one Lego. When there is a message on the box that says “Works with major brands!”, you know what that’s saying? Look, I know we aren’t LEGO, but we’re kind of cheap. Please pick us up. Pwitty Pwease?

And do you want to know the worst part? Mega Blocks is owned by Mattel, currently the second biggest toy company behind… Oh, guess what, LEGO! And Hasbro owns Kre-O, And that’s currently third! They’re not even hiding it now!

Alright, I’d better calm down. After all, I’m planning to get a LEGO set tomorrow. Maybe Technic, or even Star Wars. Guys, just get LEGO. Seriously.

Thank you for a very special shoutout from the Who Would Win cast. Please keep on pitting fictional characters against each other. Hope you have fun with the vehicle that can’t move its mouth vs. the lizard from our brain.

The Tenth Commandment.

It’s late on Sunday, so this is going to be a short one.

Last week, I got a dog. Her name is Luna, and she’s cute. Anyway, I have another dog. Her name is Molly and she’s also cute. What you’re meant to do is keep them separated on leads. My father and I ignored that and instead decided to introduce them from the start. Molly knew Luna was trouble from the get go, and as the weekend went on, Molly got more and more jealous and passive aggressive. Of course, they’re fine now, but what I’m trying to say is that jealousy, at least in my opinion, is part of human instincts. You are automatically enabled to think that the grass is always greener. That’s just what I think.

The tenth commandment is “Thou shalt not covet one’s neighbor’s wife/servants/camel/toupee” by the way. Just in case you didn’t know.

This has been Irksome Things. Next Week: People who undermine youtube.

 

Starbucks

Now, when it comes to things I hate, this is pretty high up on the list. So I’m gonna put it out nice and early just to let the anger out. In cork, there’s a lovely little shop called cork coffee roasters. I personally don’t go there,(I go to Coffee Central in the English Market) but just look at the google trends data for Starbucks Cork vs Cork Coffee Roasters. (Blue is Starbucks, Red is Cork Coffee Roasters)in da jungelIn mid 2005 to mid 2006, Starbucks was cool. It was from overseas, it was from Seattle, it was what Ireland needed to bring american tourists to Cork. Unfortunately, they couldn’t pull the cool Americans in. In late 2006, Cork Coffee Roasters was founded. Starbucks was falling by then as more independent coffee houses grew like the previously mentioned Coffee Central and, of course Cork Coffee Roasters. I have failed in my internet research to find out when the Starbucks in Cork Airport opened, i.e. the  first Starbucks in Munster. For the sake of length, lets just say that it’s around 2008. So as you can see, the two lines are level at this time. But in 2011 came for what I would say is the biggest victory in the history of Cork Coffee Roasters.The Starbucks in Cork airport shut down and was replaced with the third Cork Coffee Roasters. YES. THANK EVOLUTION FOR INDEPENDENT COFFEE SHOPS. Then comes 2015. A Starbucks sprang up on Princes Street. Then one sprang up  across from Mahon Point. And then another sprang up IN Mahon Point.(Mahon Point is a big shopping centre in Mahon in Cork).And then to put the cherry on the cake, one opened in Cork’s most famous street, Patricks Street. In conclusion, I’m going to quote Bill Bryson. It seems that Starbucks main intention is not to make good coffee for the masses, but to produce more Starbucks. He wrote that in 1997. It still rings true to this day.

This has been Irksome Things. Next Week:The 10th commandment.

Donald Trump.

Why. Why did God or Evolution or whatever have to endow us with a man who called 9/11 7/11 and is running for president and winning! I just don’t get it. How did this man come to be Republican Frontrunner for the most important event this year? If I were Michael Moore, I would desperately comb through every newspaper of all time, checking in with my fellow liberal friends every two days  and cracking jokes about D.T’s hair/wig. Except I’m not Michael Moore and all I have is an awkward guesswork and a Film Theory video. So here’s how I think it happened. Don was sitting in his tower, putting on his wig, when he thought, “How can I get even more people to hate me?”. So then he decided to become president. He got all the stereotypical American men to love him through his bold statements and constant references to his TVs show. The there was that time he skipped a debate. Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio were ready to show him how American presidency is done, but by not showing up, he completely changed the board. Most of the hate was pulled onto his fellow republicans because, well, he didn’t show up. Trump dashed the vote. And that, my friends is how Donald Trump got to be the Republican  Frontrunner.

This has been Irksome Things.

Cars.

Today on Irksome Things, I’m going to complain about cars. Yes, I know I said that I was going to complain about Donald Trump and Clear-Outs and whatnot, but I have a story from today, yes, today, that will probably make you understand why I’m doing cars instead. They are some of the most annoying, polluting, and yet helpful things I have ever come across. They are complicated, noisy and most of the time, just plain cramped. On the other hand, they are good at getting you from one place to another quite quickly. So is a bike. But the thing that annoys me the most about cars is how haphazardly and quickly the extras are put together. Here’s a quick example. Today, my dad and I were in Kerry. We loaded so many things in the car it was like the car was going to tip over backwards. I was extremely anxious to get home because I had this blog post to write. I was not happy when there was a flat tyre in the car. So me and my father  got out, loaded everything in the boot into different seats, and took out the spare tyre and the car jack. So after five minutes of propping the car up, Dad started to remove the bolts. Except he didn’t. Turns out the tyre spanner was broken. So Dad had to walk back to the house, get another spanner and walk back while I watched the car. THEN, he removed the bolts, took off the tyre, and put the spare tyre on the car. And finally, we loaded everything back in. The worst thing about that story is that the former owners actually put a broken tyre spanner into the tyre compartment. Really. A broken tyre spanner into something that’s meant to help and maybe save you on the road. Seriously.

This has been Irksome Things. Next Week: Donald Trump.

Introduction

My name is Garamond, and I complain about things. It’s half therapy, half hobby for me. I hope you enjoy reading me blather on about all kinds of things. For example, some of the subjects I’ll be (ahem) discussing are Donald Trump, Global Warming, Artemis Fowl and Clear-outs. (in no particular order). Enjoy.

P.S. The blog is going to be weekly.